As a first-born child in a family of four, I played a role of achiever early in childhood and later extended to a care giver role. I had always that urge of achieving more and obliged to be the number one in every area of my life regardless of the situation I was encountered in. At the same time, I was compelled of being responsible for every human being entering in my life. Diving more into the root cause of my role selections, I have realized that I was growing up in a family that love and relationship were demonstrated absolutely different from what I’ve perceived as a divorced single mom at the age of 40.
Victorious, I was a straight A student, received all the honors and certification of achievements available in variety of subject matters in school due to my great GPA and my involvement in social and community curriculum. Applied and won majority of the scholarships available, I have even accomplished the triumph for achieving to the first gate of Olympiads in math and philosophy. Extremely success driven, I have opened my own business at the age of 14 as a professional photographer and a videographer back in 1994 in Tehran. Considering all those restrictions, pressures, and unjust society norms against women in that ill-mannered male dominant environment, I was thriving for my identity, freedom, and independence as a young woman.
As experiences shape our perceptions, I was growing and noticing that this chronic achiever disease I have developed throughout my life has been working amazingly in certain area of my life such as my education, my career path, my personal and professional growth but also had an adverse impact in other areas of my life such as my relationship with my significant others. Being an achiever and care giver, I was always under the impression that I am the one with all possible solutions for all existed problems. I am the one who should take a first step to fix and correct any raising issue, I must be the first rescuer to jump in as a superwoman to save the person in need as I was obliged to pay back something to control the situation. Genuinely I was feeling satisfied by giving in and being helpful and still do; however, there was always some inner voice asking WHY you are the only one who should always offer a hand? You may want to wait and give yourself and others a little bit of chance so they may speak their minds, their motives, and intentions. However, being expert at when to turn on or off the inner call switch, I was ignoring the call almost all the time.
It took me almost 20 years to realize that I must eventually unlearn certain traits I have learned throughout my life specially in relations with others. I must unlearn giving too much and not receiving in return in equal measure. I must unlearn sacrificing and compromising hoping things will change for better. I must unlearn to look at the full half of a glass all the time. I must unlearn to give people the validation they seek whenever they need. I must unlearn to be a people pleaser jeopardizing my own identity and integrity. I must unlearn being nice all the time. I gradually came to realization that once a cup is broken or has a deep crack; it never gets filled and remains empty regardless of my cup being full and pouring indefinitely and compassionately. Indeed, I will be the cup left depleted with a missing identity and wondering as what to offer anymore.