Struggling to choose between my heart and my mind, I am fighting a never-ending battle of dare or the truth. To give unconditionally and ask for nothing or keep yourself reserved and your guards up to avoid the harm. To forgive regardless of who is at fault and move on or staying stubborn to prove who is wrong or right? To wait patiently for the unknown outcome or just giving up and moving forward.
I am still searching, an infinite hunt! As nothing seems to be an absolute blunt, I am trying to find what is true for me or helpful in a sense that would shape my reality. A reality that ensures my happiness, my abundance, and my health. Isn’t it that every moment that we breath is the moment of truth if we could truly feel it, trust it, and appreciate it?
I am seeking balance in my life, in my heart, in my mind and in my soul. But what is balance? How I should frame it as an art. If I had an option to paint it, which shades I would select. If I must have described it, what tale I would tell.
I start envisioning. Perhaps a painting full of bright summer colors, not overly used but spreading over the entire piece exhibiting the coherent mixes of natural beauties!
Alas! Those who are not the devotee of my selections would question my collections. They may reject my art as it is too bright. Then I’ll change the theme and go to the shades of black and white carefully selected in equal measure to create a pure harmony and transparency. Surly some, fearful of darks might say it is too dull! I go even deeper with more retouch on details, but small aspects are too much for a pointless sense to realize. So I’m having the same dilemma again as why my happiness becomes someone else’s sorrow? Why if I shall gain, someone must lose? Is that the truth or just a delusion? The moment of enlightening or a deception. Why can’t we meet somewhere in between, a win-win approach, between you and me! Finding a balance to compromise, not to fall in love but strive to rise. Then I tell myself enough is enough walking on the clouds, you better come down and face the reality as harsh as it sounds. Balance is not what others impose on you. Balance doesn’t mean to live others’ narratives to fit in avoiding conflicts and disagreements. Balance is not a unified size fitting all. Balance is what you believe is true for you and is working for you. Balance is when you feel content regardless of people’s judgment or circumstances you deal with. Balance is when you freely choose when to push forward or to retreat and pull back. Balance means you must go with the flow without fighting to prove yourself to anyone. Balance means to love fearlessly, to claim your right unapologetically, and to live with those beliefs you believe is right.