I am a survivor. A survivor of COVID-19. I am a 42 year old woman. Mother of 12 years old daughter and a wife to a brave heart man who proved to me that love never dies, and real men still exist. I was an ordinary person, being in fair shape and health, living my life as a wife and a mother, maintaining my sanity while supporting my family by working part time as a kindergarten teacher in Tehran. I have my bachelor’s degree in psychology but always blamed my family, my marriage and my husband’s opposition for not pursuing my dream to continue my education and open my own business as a licensed therapist.
But now after fighting an unfair battle of life vs. death, lots of things have changed my perspective and my system of beliefs. My survival has been a rebirth. I was very unsatisfied with all I had in my life and constantly focusing on things that I never had or could not achieve. I was absolutely blind and ungrateful to all blessings I had in my life and I was taking them for granted.
It was towards end of January and the country was approaching the 40th anniversary of Republic Islamic Revaluation of Iran Holiday when my husband came home from work very exhausted and down with sever flu symptoms. As stubborn as he was, he continued going to work with no rest or a single checkup with a doctor that entire week. Couple of days later, the same symptoms were showing up on me with some mild coughs and headaches and a very odd burning sensation in my eyes. I went to a Clinique close to my house the next day as I did not want to be down for coming holidays. The doctor diagnosed me with flu and prescribed some vitamins and painkillers to moderate the symptoms.
I remember it was Thursday night that my symptoms got drastically worsen that I ended up going back to the same Clinique two more times in 7 days period. Getting ready for a long weekend, I was wrapping up work early that day, running some errands, picking up my daughter from school, rushing towards home, I was expecting guests coming over for dinner. Next day, we even decided to travel out of town to enjoy our holiday weekend as much as possible. Although I was controlling my fever and symptoms with pain killers, towards the night, they got aggravated that we returned home and went to the same doctor for the third time. Sitting in waiting room, I saw a lady with similar symptoms as mine along with nonstop vomiting. I overheard the nurses saying this lady was here for fourth time and it appears the doctor cannot help her. Long story short, I called my mom who is a retired registered nurse and asked her if she knows a good doctor to refer. eventually I met the right doctor after 8 days of fighting with wide range of symptoms such as sever coughs and high chills and fever, intolerable headache and muscle ache and annoying itchy eyes. I never forget the doctor’s first impression when he saw me in that state and told me “I hope you’re not having what I’m thinking about! However, due to your current weak immune system and the overall situations in hospitals, I recommend you go back home and get these IV’s done and rest. If you develop some shortness of your breath or any difficulty in breathing, you must admit yourself to the hospital immediately.” I went straight to my mom’s house as she is the one who could do IVs for me and take care of me. Unfortunately, due to some hidden politic propaganda and imminent 40th anniversary of Revolution, government has hidden the spread of coronavirus in country and postponed the declaration of mandatory quarantine after the holidays so ordinary people like us were absolutely unaware about the serious threat of this disease facing the country. Unfortunately, unintentionally I was exposed to many people including all my family members and friends during the first ten days of my exposure to the virus.
After couple of days of resting and getting those prescribed IVs, I dashed to ER as I couldn’t breathe due to sever coughs which was mixed with awful vomiting. Getting an x-ray done on my chest, doctor confirmed that more than 50% of my lungs are infected and I must get admitted to the hospital immediately. My husband paid for a private hospital as he was not trusting the system and he knows that money talks all the time. However, I have experienced the ugliest days of my life during my stay in one of the luxurious private paid hospitals in Tehran. I was not treated as a patient or just as a human but rather an ill alien who has an unknown disease deserving a death. I overheard the nurses are talking about me as “Corona Lady. She must be transferred otherwise we all get exposed to this virus. We’re not equipped.” With all due respect I have for all the doctors and nurses out there who are sacrificing their health and risk their life for all of us to stay safe, unfortunately I was treated inhumanly, very unfairly and basically, I was neglected.
Eventually, I was transferred to the public specialized hospital treating COVID-19 patients in Tehran. Although my country is unfortunately extremely ill equipped when it comes to the medicine and medical equipment, I went through a turmoil of emotions to realize that how my survival depended on different people with different intentions and work ethics regardless of their gender or religion. I experienced Corona with the most severe symptoms embodying the lung infection and fought almost 21 days with a fever above 39.5 centigrade. I was extremely in pain and no life without a ventilator that I was not even able to use bathroom on my own and nurses were so terrified to get close to me. My husband was the only one cleaning after me, changing my IV, and making sure that I am taking my medicine on time. I never forget those nights of fever and chills in hospital wishing to die from the pain and looking at my husband wrapped himself in his jacket sitting on a chair telling me that you can win this if you just desire to come back to me again.
I never forget those days he was quietly praying to his God that if one of us had to go please take me not my wife as my daughter needs a mom more than a dad. Then I was telling myself how selfish I am that I want to quit just because of a physical pain and neglecting my dearest and closest people who are going through a severe emotional pain. A pain that you see your loved one fading away in front of you and you cannot do anything about it and just staying hopeful. Now I understand that Corona was an awakening call for me. Another chance to come back to life and appreciate every single bit of what I have truly and fully.
I am married for more than 20 years now, but I admit unapologetically that after my battle with COVID-19, I have realized that love can get stronger and more valuable by-passing time. If you believe in your partnership and know that commitment is a full-time job working in a team of two focused on one mission to not giving up on each other regardless of all the hardship and struggles that both partners could go through, Love always wins. As we are all different individual with different love languages, I was always doubting his love, seeking to hear from him how much he loves me, but he proved in his own love language through his actions and his pure intentions that how much he cares about me, about our daughter, and about us. I have noticed that how my husband is stronger than me that he did not quit fighting for me and believed in me and my strength to survive even more than myself. I want to take this opportunity to thank all those doctors and nurses who fought rigorously and passionately, risking their own lives making sure the patients are taking care of regardless of all limitations and restrictions we had. I want to say that life is a great teacher and most precious present when you are a true believer, who know from bottom of your heart that you are never left alone, and you always will be protected and guided to make better choices in your life to reach your own highest good.
Dedicated to my best cousin, sister, friend and my buddy, Ideh.