Some questions though remarkably simple carry such a deep burden embedded in. Not sure to look at them as a compliment or a sarcasm, still I feel extremely uncomfortable when I am asked about. “Hey beautiful! Why are you still single?” the moment I encounter this confronting question, something urges me to fire back as a sharp bullet to kill the questioner right away as he or she is the root cause for all my shortcomings in life!
Controlling my impulses; however, I am practicing self-control when I am not sure about the intentions behind the questions. I pause and ponder as why I even feel tense around these types of questions? What is the relationship between being single and beautiful? Are they contradicting each other? Is it important what people think of me, my status, my beauty or still there is a gap in my understanding to accept the reality of being single but still remain content? Perhaps those curious enquirers do not even know me and despite of their real intention, good or bad, they may just want to explore a little more about me. I dive in even further as what is the root cause of this restless emotion. Is it my status which is bothering me or the definition of being “Single” has been misleading? I am trying to be straightforward while solving this puzzle of thoughts, but my brain does an awesome job playing lots of tricks on me by bombarding me with tons of excuses to convince me otherwise. The patterns of thoughts are attacking from each corner and repeatedly reminding me of I am absolutely happy with my status as being single. I paid such an expensive price to claim my freedom after my nasty divorce. I chose to be single after being in a toxic committed relationship for such a long time and I am not going to compromise my peace and sanity by being in an unhealthy relationship again or to be possessed by another control freak….
Interestingly, the list of excuses is pretty darn long and strong to the point that persuade me almost always to not even search further but still something deep down there keeps knocking the door and asking me are they true reasons or just some sort of justifications? What are you trying to achieve or lose by running so fast from the truth? You may have lost something on your path such as hope. You may have gained something back such as power. Are you afraid of being labeled as lonely because “Single” may have been interpreted as being isolated and deserted? Or are you scared of people accusing you as someone who is not reliable, committed, or a worthy investment. Don’t you desire to acknowledge your true emotions once and for all so you could reach at peace with yourself and all these questions which are coming in different types and forms?
Fighting an inner battle between my ego and my heart, my heart always wins. Though very tired and broken in this voyage of love, my heart is mending by working on art of balance which is a foundation of a healthy relationship. My heart is open and ready to give and receive in equal measure. I choose love because hate never brought me peace. Unapologetically I claim that I am after love because I am lovable. I am enough. I am content with who I am and being Single does not mean that I stopped to love. I am ready to love and to be loved but I will not settle for less. I trust true love and someone who is worthy of me and my love will find me. Love never dies as courage is always there. Love never fades as hope shines brighter. Love never surrender as life is on purpose. Love never limits as freedom is a choice. Love never hurts as to heal is to forgive. Love never lies as honesty abides. Indeed, Love sometimes means to let it go with grace…