Getting comfortable with the imposed new lifestyle in quarantine, I was appreciating one of the sunny days of spring by early meditation and a long session of working out. Relaxing in my patio, indulging in my healthy snacks, reading my favorite book, asking a very odd question, I was reflecting as usual. Am I ready to leave if at this very peaceful moment of my life, Death is calling for me? Not sure of the cause for the question asked, paused for a moment but consciously I replied. Yes, I feel very content with love of my adorable monsters, my health, my wealth, and I am genuinely blessed that there’s nothing left that I wish I would’ve done differently or would have said it otherwise. Farewell is not easy specially with loved ones, but I must leave when the time comes. I kept reading my book and felt very satisfied with my responds.
As the hours were passing by, I received an awkward call from my mom back home, Iran. Though she was trying hard to hide her emotions or tell me the news in a way I won’t get shocked, she couldn’t resist and burst into tears that you must pray for your cousin is fighting for her life. I got frozen, unconscious for a while, begged my mom for the truth if she has gone already or still alive. Me and this cousin of mine are just two bodies with one soul and mind, very connected in hearts and in our thoughts regardless of the distance fate has set between us. My mom was sobbing that my cousin is diagnosed with COVID-19 battling her life for the last 20 days in hospital, and doctors have given up on her as her symptoms are worsening up. Trying to keep my balance, carrying my phone tightly, hearing my mom uninterruptedly, heading towards my room, I found myself in bathroom, feeling nausea, weeping as spring clouds, cursing Corona and the whole chaos, I received an unexpected text, from an ex, a player of all. As vicious as himself, his texts even forced me further to throw a hell up.
Nobody at home, lonely by myself, completely lost, I just made a wish if I am enough to just request for another chance begging the fate to leave her with us. Just me and my God knows what I’ve gone through in those dark moments ,absolutely numbed ,just blocked my ex, disgusted from his texts, I got prepared to leave the house as I was supposed to pick my kids up. It started to rain; I was reviewing the events all in my mind. On our way home, my son broke the silence by whispering gently, “mom, I had a bad dream for the entire night!”. I asked about his dream; I felt something is off. He replied saying “my sister died of a food poisoning and the entire house was covered in dark.” I looked back in the rear mirror, confirmed my kids’ presence by counting them all, I asked him why you think you had such an odd dream. He did his best considering his age by being honest and right to the point, he nodded his head and stated, “probably, my cousin’ death has affected me if I shouldn’t lie.” I exclaimed who and the world was spinning all around my head. I could not bear anymore. I pulled over. My son gave me a hug and we both cried. My son’s cousin was my childhood friend and my classmate back in elementary school. As we grew older, our paths grew apart, but fate brought us together when I felt in love with her uncle, my ex, many years later in life.
Feeling of a void, crushed from the grief, frightened to lose more, my morning question of death weighed so heavily on my chest and slapped the bitter truth in my face, take it as you wished. Death does not care as how clever you are, where your origin is or how old you are. It does not bother for your dependents or who you are counting on. How much you are loved or even giving love is not an interest to him at all😔life and death are just one breath away, so do not delay if you have a desire. Life is too short to wait to find a purpose, play it along with open ears and eyes, and let it amuse you with all its surprises. Do not waste a single moment of your present by worrying too much about the unknown future or staying in your past, regretting those mistakes of yours or the others. Do not weep on the lost things or people in your life as if they were meant to be, they would have been by now so accept the fact and just move on.
In this school of life, we all are going to graduate but in our definite time; yet there is no guarantee of any time left to enjoy fully after we are done. Don’t delay any further and take an action today and move one step forward even too small towards your desire and to say the words you must share with your world that by sharing your thoughts, your love, you passion, your presence and your authenticity, you may have a positive impact in someone’s life. I am here because I am a storyteller of not fictional tales but practical ones so if I could have survived you may do as well if you just decide and give it a try. We may help each other in one way or another as this universe is all about the care so lets’ have a balance in our give and take so we all could benefit from doing our share.